Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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