if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
