mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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