So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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