Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
