She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
