Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
