I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize