is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
