my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
