so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
