Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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