just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
