I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
