my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
