Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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