People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
