Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
