i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
