I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
