Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
