Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
