I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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