The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
