Someone shit on the floor
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
