I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
