I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
