you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
