dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
