if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
