just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
try to milk me bitch
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
