i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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