So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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