I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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