Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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