I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
