What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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