From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
