just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
