No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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