yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
