Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
