I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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