but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
