im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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