Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
