I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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