thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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