so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
