He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
