Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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