I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
