he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
