He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
