An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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