Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
