entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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