The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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