i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
