i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
