I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
