I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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